Thursday, April 22, 2021

Alice is no longer in Wonderland. She's in Israel. Here's the proof (Update included)

 

In the magical 19th century story, Alice in Wonderland (by Lewis Carroll), the main character is a child named Alice. In this story, she leaves the real world. She enters a make-believe world where she finds herself caught up somewhere between being upside down and downside up. She sees so many strange, unnatural things, she can't be sure what's what. 

This curious make-believe world was called, Wonderland. It certainly was a Wonder of a place. It was populated by weird and then weirder characters. As Alice herself describes it, it is a place that is indeed curiouser and curiouser. 

Today, I believe Alice has ended up in Israel. Yes, she might have started out in a 19th century fictional world.  But no longer. Now, she seems to fit right in among 21st century Israelis.

Look at the proof. For example, when poor Alice tried to recite a poem about bees being the model of industriousness, it all came out wrong. Instead of industrious bees, her poem was about a crocodile who lures fish to their death with a scheming smile. 

She had wanted to recite an uplifting poem. But it came out all wrong. 

Today's 21st century Israel is exactly the same. That is, since 2019, whenever Israelis have voted, they couldn't get it right--even though they were right. In each of four elections since 2019, Israelis thought they had elected a new Prime Minister. They had. But it all came out wrong because they hadn't voted for a new Prime Minister. Every time.

For example, in the  first-of-the-four last elections, back in April 2019, Benjamin Netanyahu won. But it all came out wrong because neither he nor his runner-up opponent Benny Gantz could form a government. The voters' choice had been clear. But their choice had meant nothing. 

As a result, the election had come out all wrong--just as Alice's poem had come out all wrong.

Israel had to vote again. The second-of-these-last-four  elections was held in September, 2019. This time, Gantz beat Netanyahu. But he didn't become Prime Minister, either. He  could not form a government. Neither could Netanyahu.

This second election also came out "wrong". Just as had happened to Alice, the voters wanted something. They thought they had made their choice clear. They hadn't. 

The voters' choice for Prime Minister meant nothing. Israel had to vote a third time.

The third-of-these-last-four elections was in March 2020. In that election, Netanyahu won again. But it all came out wrong again because the best either Netanyahu or Gantz could do was to form a strange, wierd creature called a 'unity' government.

But even that came out all wrong. The 'unity' government turned into a Wonderland of confusion, back-biting, back-stabbing and anger. Just as for Alice in her own Wonderland, Israel got it all wrong this time again. Israelis had to vote again.

Now, the last of these four consecutive elections took place in March 2021, just last month. Netanyahu won again--the third such win of four consecutive elections. This time, he'd won  with the largest winning margin of all four elections. 

But as happened to Alice more than 100 years ago, even this election came out wrong. At least, it has so far. So far, nobody has won.

Isn't this curious? Actually, it's curiouser than that.

In Israel, Netanyahu wins. He almost always wins. He's been Prime Minister longer thatn anyone in modern Israel's history.

Voters keep voting for him. Clearly, he remains that popular with voters.  

But in Israel's new and topsy-turvy "Wonderland" atmosphere, Netanyahu never wins. Who are the political crocodiles who lure Israelis to the ballot box only to gobble up their votes? 

Political crocodiles in Israel exist. They are real. They are called, "the election losers".  

These  crocodiles call Netanyahu "corrupt". They call him "selfish". They even do this with an Alice-in-Wonderland-style scheming smile.  

You see, at the very instant each loser calls Netanyahu selfish and corrupt, they are acting themselves as selfish babies. They cannot accept they have lost.  

They blame Netanyahu. They blame his selfishness, not their own selfishness for sparking the need for another election.

Israel's politicians are outraged that this Prime Minister keeps beating them at the ballot box. They hate that. They want to be Prime Minister. Therefore, they will do whatever it takes to get there, the voters' choice be damned.

For voters, such behavior appears curious indeed for a democracy. What is a voter to think? Perhaps Israel has become an upside down-downside-up democracy. Is that our problem--Israel has become a no-democracy democracy?

In Wonderland, Alice met a talking caterpiller who smoked a hookah. How curious is that? I mean, how many times have you met a talking caterpillar who smoked a hookah?

Then, consider what this caterpillar did. He studied Alice in silence for a very long time, smoking his hookah. Then he spoke, asking Alice, "who are youuuu?"

How curiously familar to us this caterpillar is. Israeli politicians act just like it--in reverse. That is, instead of asking voters, 'who are you?', they ask the most curious question--and give an even curiouser answer.

They ask, "who am IIIIIII?" Their answer is always the same: "I am the next Prime Minister", says one. "No," says another, "I am", and so on.

Then they all lose the next election. How curious is that?

None of these politicians look anything like a caterpillar smoking a hookah. But surely, they must be inhaling something to behave this way.

They lose an election. But they still go around saying, "I am to be the next PM". Very curious, indeed.

What part of "you lost" don't they understand? Apparently, all parts of it.

These politicians have just (in the March 2021 election) gotten less than a quarter (or, perhaps, just one-half) the votes of the election winner (Netanyahu). Why should they be Prime Minister when they've lost so badly?

Perhaps they are crocodiles who lure voters to their jaws with scheming smiles.  Is that what's happening in Israel?

Well, the curious part of this story is that election losers in Israel feel they can be Prime Minister--even after they've lost. How much like Alice in Wonderland that is! 

Losers in Israel can feel this way because of an Alice-like world of Israel-specific political magic. They push us into this Israeli-political version of Alice in Wonderland by using the shibboleth words, "Netanyahu is corrupt". 

Immediately upon saying these magical words, the world of Israel's media comes to a grinding halt. Most everyone in the media turns and says,  "ohhhhh, nooooo!" --as if they are stunned to hear that one Israeli politician is crooked.

The magic words do work. Before you can say, "jabberwocky!" (or some other Alice in Wonderful delightfully nonsensical word), Israel ends up with another election.

The curious thing about all this is that Netanyahu isn't the only Israeli politician who is corrupt (if he is). In fact, Israel is notorious for its corrupt, scheming politicians. In Israel, such politicians are everywhere you turn. They are, to coin a phrase, "a dime-a-dozen". 

Isn't their calling Netanyahu "corrupt" just another example of the pot calling the kettle black? After all, are not these politicians, who so ignore Israel's democratic voting choice, attempting--through a form of legalized corruption--to take the election away from the vote winner? Is that how a democracy works. Or, is it how a corrupted democracy works after losers start getting their hands dirty?

An Israeli voter must surely feel today as confused as Alice felt  back in her 19th century story. After each election, the Israeli voter, like Alice before him, doesn't really know who he is any more. He doesn't know if he was a voter or not because the election he just voted in never seems to have a winner--even though the results say there was a winner. 

How curious. But even curiouser than that, the last election in Israel was March 23, 2021. It is now April 22, 2021. Who won? Netanyahu. So why hasn't he formed a government yet? Because he didn't win.

How curious is that. 

Perhaps the voter will soon meet someone "new"--that is, another ego-driven, selfish politician. Perhaps this new politician will be a mad hatter, or a Cheshire cat--or even a mad Queen. Oh, what fun that would be! 

Israel may be the only place in the world where you can enter a mad 21st century political version of Alice in Wonderland. In Israel, it is all very simple: try to understand Israel's election and political insanity. You can't. But if you try to understand them, you will surely tumble down a dizzying, confusing political rabbit hole called, "Israel's election season". 

Welcome to Israel--where Alice in Wonderland really, really comes to life..


Update: if you don't remember Alice in Wonderland, you can find the text online by googling, "read Alice in Wonderland".




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